Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
