You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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