what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
