I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
