so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
