Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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