I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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