I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
