and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
