kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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