woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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