First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have post one night stand depression
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
