If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
