kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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