yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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