I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
