I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
