yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
