I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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