why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
