I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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