Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
