Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
