Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
