the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
