I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
