Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
