You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
