Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
