alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
