you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
