Kiss
Puke
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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