They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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