I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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