In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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