i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
