I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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