so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he fucked my hip out of place.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
