Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
