Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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