I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
