just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My bed smells like the plague
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
