You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
