Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
