He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
