I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
