I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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