i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
