Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
