if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
