So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
