He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
