So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
