"it" just moved
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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