i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
