I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
